May 6, 2021
Well, friends. You must have been wondering why today I was on disorder in Court. A thousand apologies. I was just prepping you for disorder in a Kuta in Shangombo.
The Kuta was held under the third baobab tree as you walk East and West from the market.
The defendant was my beloved grandmother, of the world famous paraffin and battery acid laced seven days. She was accused of sitting on the revered ancestral stool twice.
And I have irrefutable empirical evidence that she had not done any quality assurance, before appearing before the circle of elders.
I hear she had even glued some porcupine thorns to her eyelids to aggravate her beauty. Do not argue. My beloved grandmother is a very pretty woman. I would have married her, if my wife was not prettier.
And here is the verbatim of the proceedings.
Elder
"What is the time allowed to sit on the ancestral stool?"
My beloved grandmother
"Five minutes."
Elder
"And how many times are you allowed to sit on the stool?
My beloved grandmother
"Twice."
Elder
"Did you say twice?"
My beloved grandmother
"Yes."
Elder
"So how many times did you sit on the stool?"
My beloved grandmother
"Once."
Elder
"But I have witnesses that saw you sit on the stool twice?
My beloved grandmother
"NO! They are liars! The first time I only put my toes on it for one minute. Was scared of putting my butt on it, as it had to be exorcised of the demons the last person's butt left.
Elder
"Case dismissed. The butt was not on the stool, the first time."
