Of the man from a tall tree of savoury alcoholic pleasures

 November 3, 2023

Well. I really believed I had buried my beloved my grandmother, during the time of Noah. I mean the one, of the world famous paraffin and battery acid laced seven days. Today, she came visiting. My skeleton nearly jumped out of my body. She surely could not have resurrected, like that chap in a white crimplene dress who flew into the skies.

Anyway, she calmed me down with her usual folktales. And it is I sat to listen, though not convinced that it was not a ghost I was listening to.

"Once upon a time," she began.

"There was a chiefdom that decided that some man plucked from a tall tree of savoury alcoholic pleasures, should be their chief. The man later ascended to become ruler of the Kingdom. He appointed most of his indunas to be his advisors, and governors of the other chiefdoms.

During his rule, his Rottweiler-like disciples terrorised subjects in all chiefdoms, without being flogged. And, the indunas prostrated before him in eyeball popping reverence. It was a time for indunas to fatten. Skinny indunas, suddenly needed a peniscope to see John Downstairs.

Decades into his rule, the subjects in the Kingdom revolted and deposed him. The indunas begged him, to continue being the chief in his village. But he was so angry and felt betrayed. He told them, to go to hell. For he believed dethroning him, exposed his sinewy and frail John Downstairs to the Kingdom’s subjects.

The indunas were lost. For nearly two decades, they kept searching for hell, where he had told them to go. And they could not find it. So every now and then, the indunas with shattered peniscopes, would go and ask him where hell is located.

However one day, one induna found hell and decreed himself chief.

When the man was told that some induna had found hell, he suddenly decreed that he is the chief. After all the other indunas perseverance that he was still chief, made him believe his John Downstairs was not sinewy and frail.

The jubilation among the indunas was so earth-shattering that, his Rottweiler -like disciples started salivating in anticipation of a continuum of imbecility. And so it was that, in a parade of fools, they ceremoniously escorted him to the chief's palace.

But lo and behold!

The induna who had found hell, had already matted to the king's guardsmen telling them that they need to preserve the sanctity of his chiefdom.

They arrived at the chief's palace, only to creep back with tails between their legs”, she paused. I was already sitting on eggs, eagerly waiting to hear the finale of the folktale.

“Days later,” she continued.

“The man's indunas were sighted prostrating before a Kingdom, they once believed was ruled by Satan." With these words, granny sat back deep in the sofa. Eyes glued to a naked gecko, that had suddenly decided to listen in.

"Granny, what happened next," I exclaimed.

"Huh! You young people, no longer respect elders. How can you ask me that? Yet, you have not offered me any seven days?" She retorted.

"I am sorry, granny." I replied and drifted to the fridge. When I drifted back with a glass of savoury alcoholic pleasures, the sofa was empty. She surely has flown into the skies like that chap, I said to myself.

I rushed outside, hoping to have an out of this world experience. But eish! Only to find Putin, my Siberian Husky, trying to chow a frog. Well, the slimy frog reminded me of the chief's indunas and their fools parade.

Kozo.